45's

Have you ever wondered why 45 records came with that huge hole in the middle? Why sell one type of record that didn't fit on record players?

Ordering a Bagel in New Jersey..

Why can't people just order a bagel? It now takes almost as long to order a bagel as it does to order, well, a coffee. Is it warm? Wait that ones got too much poppy seeds not enough garlic show me another. No, for real. Theres the on the side guy - "I want 3 everything bagels and 1/4 pound of butter". I'm not sure what the butter on the side is saving you, but its not worth the curses you're picking up from the Greek lady on line thats outside in the cold. There's the racist bagel-er - "I'll have a light everything, toasted, with walnut cream cheese". First, when did it become OK to be a bagel racist? I mean, everyone wants the dark one, no one wants the light? I guess that means schmucks like me that order and duck to the side get the mediums no one else wants? And the cream cheese. God invented cream cheese. Seeing what we can stick in it to make it taste better - not natural!

Its cream cheese cloning IMHO. It must stop now. Do a Google search. Mountain Berry Cream Cheese. Cubumber and Red Onion. Pumpkin (i kid you not). Just because its soft doesn't mean you should stick crap in it! Then of course there's the I'm taking it ot my office guy - "give me 18 and make them 1 Poppy, 1 Egg, 1 Plain, 1 Onion. He's got to pay separately for the gross of bagels and his of course, for expenses (did I mention the Greek lady is still out on the sidewalk in the cold). There's the serial orderer. They order a five option bagel "Dark, light butter, thin swiss, cut in half and half again.." and when the ladies done has a whole 'nother 45 minute bagel to make from scratch "now I want the same thing with TWO slices of swiss".

Brooklyn Speech..

I'm not sure that people speak better than they write, just goes by faster. Spend some time in Brooklyn. They add a "b" to supposedly, the word three is pronounced without the "h" and bathroom comes out more like "baatchroom". Picture and Pitcher are said exactly the same. Someone says "see that pitcher over there" I can't tell if they mean a picture, a pitcher of water or Ron Darling...

Rules for Modern Living..

rules for modern living. make sure you know where all the headsets are before starting a wash..

MIB3..Great movie but some major holes..

MIB3 - I really like that they are on the 3rd film and I still like the series. All in all a great film BUT I have two issues with the film (and if you don't want to know what happens in the film, stop here).

First, J and 1969 K need to find a spaceship in 1969 to get an amulet into space in the next six hours (its the movies). They decide they need to get to Cape Canaveral for the moon launch thats going up in 6 hours. But there are hundreds of aliens already on earth - each and every one had to get here on a spaceship. 

Second, they are in 1969 somewhere between Queens and Manhattan (and in the run up to You Gotta Believe!! at Shea). Remember we learned in MIB II that the Worlds Fair display contained two spaceships. Did they think getting from Manhattan to Queens was going to take longer than getting to Cape Canaveral?

If you have 15 or 16 boarding groups on a plane with 30 people why don't you just call people by name?

They should get a gate agent for the Chicago flight that doesn't say "Chick-cargo".  Its pronounced "Shicago"...

TV Commercial - "I'm Shaquile O'Neil and I'm Comfortable in my own skin." Dude, you are 7'1" and like 330. Who else is gonna fit in your skin? Your skin probably weighs more than an average 12 year old..

Lady at Holiday Inn Express wanted to be on top floor - didn't want anyone above her. Dunno why - did she feel she didn't want anyone between her and god? Would it make her feel like she was having sex? Noise? Her noise?

Life back..

you've got your life back when your kid(s) can haul their own gear...

How..

can there be a World Series of Poker every night?

Infiniti(y)

Am I the only person who doesn't think it strange that this isn't the symbol of the Infiniti car company?

What did we learn rolling thru the Carolina's on a Nightster..

Myrle Beach is longest strip mall in the whole world. There's not one but two hooters.

Restaurants at home are rated one to five stars. Here it's on a one to five pig scale.

I passed like 250 Harleys today with only two guys riding em – an old guy with grey hair and a grey beard, or a bald, lanky skinny guy (ridin with apes of course).

Its not 'nine' its 'naaane

Ya can't take a peanut tank Sporty 70 miles past the middle of nowhere and then go – oh shit, how far can I go on a tank?

F-150's should come with H-D sticker in the back window. It would save much labor after the fact.

Tatoos can look bad on some women..

I know who Jimmy Durante's Ms Calabash was (“Goodnite Mrs. Calabash, where ever you are.”)

Cell phone battery time, because you're so far from civilization, is measured in minutes.

Time to get served and money taken in stores is measured in hours. Makes buffets much more attractive.

If you're 6'1" and riding a Nightster, its more comfortable to ride from the rear fender.

They can make fried chicken that's better than a hot fudge sundae. It's a damn national treasure.

There's very few sounds worse than the sound of a tiny bit of gas sloppin around in a very hollow peanut tank.

They name swamps. And those swamps STINK.

Barns that are not collapsing appear to be illegal.

If you live in a single wide, it might be time to lower the donations to the beautiful church next door.

You can rent to own anything.

Max..

My sons new pup listens much better at my house than my ex-wifes. I snap my fingers, he comes. I go "ppppsssssttt" he comes.

Actually its because I have a dog named Max that answers to Chanel. I snap my fingers, or call Chanel, Chanel comes, Max follows....

Good Guy Window..

I think I've found out I missed my window. In jr high school and high school, nobody was really serious or knew who they were. Simply looking to have fun. The girls went for the guys with the Camaro with the headers and sidepipes or the ratted out '62 Chevy that were on the football or baseball team. Pecks ruled. Drugs. Bad guys got the girls, good guys went to the midnight Rocky Horror together. Stoned. With rolls of toilet paper.

Later in life - Junior Senior year of college and beyond, was Good Guy time. Girls started looking out for their futures. I was a smart, decent enough looking Jewish boy living in New York City, with Grad School or Law School and a bright career ahead of me. Heck, I could have survived on just the women who my friends, my friends friends, and the girls moms, or the girls moms best friends fixed me up with. Heck, I was so good I could have probably gotten a couple of the moms (actually did, and sisters, but a story for another time). The fact that I was gonna support, seed and succeed were all the rage. Someone you could have kids with, who would actually come home after work without stopping at two strip clubs, who could palm $20 or $40 to get a table at a good restaurant, who knew the owners of Areo, Angelo's, Embers, Lizard (I don't remember the whole name, she was a Lesbian named Stripe) amongst others and the $150 tab (it was ALOT back then) was a good thing.

Now I'm 48 and dating again, few if any of the women I'm dating are looking to have anymore kids, and have had to work out some way to support themselves, so the bad guy is back in vogue. Just recently my friend, will call her E, told me that our nice friend and I would make a great couple - but she was looking for a bad guy - and that wasn't even close to me.

Oh well, leaves me more free time for my kid, my work, my friends and my riding.

62 - Love Love..

My brother has this half-in-law named Love. Smokin, but that's not the point here. How do you tell a girl named Love you Love her? You call her Love, how does she know you're not callin her? Do ya gotta go "Love Love" every time?

You know sometimes you shorten and you call out "Love.." like "Honehy". Remember Lovey in Gilligans Island? But if her name is Love, whats short for that? Do you call her "Hate"?

61 - Olympic Mop?

Who's the official mop sponsor of the 2010 Winter Olympics? I'm sorry folks, Curling isn't a sport. I think this curler picture speaks volumes...

60 - TIger I Am..

I do not care what Tiger has to say.
I do not care that he hit a tree.
I do not care that he's repaired his knee.
I do not care if he cheated on his wife.
I do not care if she chased him with a knife.
I do not care, what Tiger has to say.
Please stop talking about Tiger on ESPN all day..

59 - MSG

Am I the only person troubled that Madison Square Garden is round?

58 - Silence

Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver.