TV Commercial - "I'm Shaquile O'Neil and I'm Comfortable in my own skin." Dude, you are 7'1" and like 330. Who else is gonna fit in your skin? Your skin probably weighs more than an average 12 year old..

Lady at Holiday Inn Express wanted to be on top floor - didn't want anyone above her. Dunno why - did she feel she didn't want anyone between her and god? Would it make her feel like she was having sex? Noise? Her noise?

Life back..

you've got your life back when your kid(s) can haul their own gear...

How..

can there be a World Series of Poker every night?

Infiniti(y)

Am I the only person who doesn't think it strange that this isn't the symbol of the Infiniti car company?

What did we learn rolling thru the Carolina's on a Nightster..

Myrle Beach is longest strip mall in the whole world. There's not one but two hooters.

Restaurants at home are rated one to five stars. Here it's on a one to five pig scale.

I passed like 250 Harleys today with only two guys riding em – an old guy with grey hair and a grey beard, or a bald, lanky skinny guy (ridin with apes of course).

Its not 'nine' its 'naaane

Ya can't take a peanut tank Sporty 70 miles past the middle of nowhere and then go – oh shit, how far can I go on a tank?

F-150's should come with H-D sticker in the back window. It would save much labor after the fact.

Tatoos can look bad on some women..

I know who Jimmy Durante's Ms Calabash was (“Goodnite Mrs. Calabash, where ever you are.”)

Cell phone battery time, because you're so far from civilization, is measured in minutes.

Time to get served and money taken in stores is measured in hours. Makes buffets much more attractive.

If you're 6'1" and riding a Nightster, its more comfortable to ride from the rear fender.

They can make fried chicken that's better than a hot fudge sundae. It's a damn national treasure.

There's very few sounds worse than the sound of a tiny bit of gas sloppin around in a very hollow peanut tank.

They name swamps. And those swamps STINK.

Barns that are not collapsing appear to be illegal.

If you live in a single wide, it might be time to lower the donations to the beautiful church next door.

You can rent to own anything.

Max..

My sons new pup listens much better at my house than my ex-wifes. I snap my fingers, he comes. I go "ppppsssssttt" he comes.

Actually its because I have a dog named Max that answers to Chanel. I snap my fingers, or call Chanel, Chanel comes, Max follows....